Happy Thanksgiving, Mamas! In today’s podcast I want to share my personal story and journey of how Mama Shrink became a mama. This is my holiday miracle and the one I am always most grateful so it felt good to share it on a day that is all about giving thanks. I get asked a lot about adoption, especially when people see us with our 2 boys who are both bi-racial.
I am sensitive in sharing this story from my perspective as my kids will someday have their own adoption story. There are parts of my journey removed to protect their birthmother’s and things that I am not comfortable sharing publically.
Adoption is a whole other level of becoming a mom. It’s very different from how other women become moms in terms of trying to get pregnant and being able to conceive. I often refer to it as an emotional rollercoaster because there are so many highs and lows and unknowns that being able to conceive does not bring.
My boys were meant to be mine....I know that for sure. In this story you will see the signs and miracles that took place that brought them to my husband and I. We may not be connected biologically but we are connected a soul level which I will take any day over genetics. I hope this story helps all moms unable to conceive to have hope that you can become a mom through the amazing gift of adoption.
- [04:06] I never thought we might have a problem getting pregnant. And we did. For those of you out there who have struggled with infertility I’m sure you understand that every month that you don’t get pregnant feels so sad and so discouraging.
- [04:28] When I was in my 20s, I worked hard to not get pregnant. Then all of a sudden in my 30’s when I wanted to get pregnant, I couldn’t.
- [05:19] After going through tests and numerous doctors and being told that our chances of conceiving were about 30%, even with IVF. And the cost of IVF was around $25,000 at the time for three tries and our odds were low. I am not a gambler and I also was not thrilled with the thought of injecting hormones into my body.
- [08:44] My husband had mentioned that he always wanted to adopt. After a period of trying, he and I sat down and talked about adopting. And the group forums I read on failed IVF was incredibly depressing.
- [10:08] One day I picked up a book on adoption and I remember reading the words “Congrations you are going to become a mom.” Everything in my soul changed that day and shifted towards adoption. I felt excited and hopeful for the first time in a very long time.
- [10:32] There are so many options for adoption. You need to be ok with the adoption path you choose. We looked into the different options and decided to go with domestic newborn adoption.
- [16:23] We began our journey - mounds of paperwork, meetings with social workers, home visits, and interviews. You have to go into it with an open heart and not be frustrated with the process.
- [22:49] When you go through the adoption journey, listen to your gut because there were so many things that were happening during the process that weren’t making any sense to me that I should have listened to. It’s sad because when you are in that process, you want so much to become a mom that you’re willing to overlook things that maybe you shouldn’t.
- [29:10] People that have not gone through domestic newborn adoption journey, they don’t realize that when you do it every state has different laws. People can change their minds. It’s a really big risk. It’s an emotional roller coaster.
- [30:20] We had a failed adoption experience and I had to grieve for the child we were supposed to adopt like grieving a miscarriage. I went through a lot of anger and sadness.
- [33:50] We told our social worker that we wanted to be back in the books on January 2nd. This was not an easy decision to make and was actually quite scary. On January 4th 2012, our social worker called and told us we were matched. It was truly a miracle. 2 weeks before I was heartbroken and now we had to pull ourselves together to go and get our little boy (Thomas) who was waiting for us. We drove all night, got to Virginia and we when I met Thomas for the first time, I knew in my heart that HE was my baby.
- [42:43] We then decided to adopt again when Thomas was 16 months old. We got a call in December saying that a birth mother had picked us but we said no the first time because of issues with the birth father. The birth mother refused to pick any other family but us and by the third time we felt safe enough to say yes. On New Years Eve 2012 we went to New Jersey to pick up or second son Lucas and we became a family of 4 before the clock struck midnight. Second miracle indeed.