Mama Shrink

Episode 24 - Invite People Into Your Mess

January 9, 2020

In the midst of the first week of the new decade, I hope you set intentions and not put too much pressure on yourself this new year.

If you listened to my podcast from 2 weeks ago, I talked about the goals I’ve set for myself for this coming year. And today, I’m going to talk about my own experience with reaching those  goals. Personally, it’s very hard for me and it might be hard for you as well to implement changes in your life but it’s important that we check in with ourselves and work hard in keeping our goals. This is why I’ve suggested that you write down your own goals.

I am sharing this story with you today in the podcast in the hopes that it can give you some learnings and help you out. I want you to know that you are not alone on this journey - we all feel this way sometimes and it’s perfectly okay.

  • [02:00] My adoption journey with my son, Thomas.
  • [05:01] 3 Goals I have set for myself this new year: Integrity, Alignment and Growth.
  • [06:37] I feel uncomfortable with inviting people into my home but my son, Thomas, wanted to have his birthday party at home. I was so worried about getting my home looking perfect for the party.
  • [08:34] A serendipitous event that made me realize how many opportunities were missing for connection because we are afraid of inviting people to our home. I read the article “In praise of scruffy hospitality” where it talks about how so many of us spend so much time making our house look picture perfect but we forget that our home is where we spend the most time in and a lot of times we just want to invite our friends to our home. But… so many of us don’t invite people over because we’re fearful of what our houses look like. We’re so afraid of what other people will think.
  • [10:18] The truth of the matter is, I don’t pick people who to be friends with based on what their houses look like. I could care less. It’s the people. We just want to spend time with the people.
  • [12:51] My fear of inviting people over to our house came from my experience when i was still young and invited friends over to my house and had an embarrassing experience. But my friends let me know and made me feel that it wasn’t about the house and that they loved going to our house because it was fun. No one cared about our messy house.
  • [16:32] My realization about this experience: I have to find balance and light up a bit. It’s okay. People want to come to your home because they care about you. You don’t want to look back and think, “wow, I missed these memories because I was worried about what people would think coming to my home.” We have to give ourselves a break mommas. If someone comes to your house and judges you, you don’t need that in your life.
  • [20:55] My challenge for you is I want you to invite someone over when your house is a mess and say “okay, I’m going to do it!” and be okay with it. The final thing I’m focusing on this year is growth and when I say growth I mean change. Change is uncomfortable and hard. It’s hard to let people into our lives and see it not perfect.
  • [21:34] Think about the people who seem to be very perfect in your life… are they the most fun, chill, and filled with good energy? I think that imperfection is beautiful. My favorite people are people who are real, honest, who tell the truth, cry, feel crap - and that’s what I want for you. Don’t waste your life on nonsense like making sure your house is perfect.
  • [22:50] Do this for yourself. Invite people into your social network into your house. Do things that are uncomfortable but might bring you the best joy. The people who care about you and love you, they don’t care what your house looks like.

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